Today is Saturday, it’s my day off, today I don’t have to work. 

I can stay longer in bed, I can enjoy my soft duvet, I can arrange my pillows as I like.

Everything seems ok! Suddenly a sense of emptiness in the stomach, I’ve been feeling like this for a long time.

Today is Saturday, I have a little more time, I must know why, I must analyze this sensation.

Slowly I notice that I’m tired, of what? This I must know, and I need a deeper reflection, but one thing is certain: I’m tired.

So I think of my job, and I notice that my job isn’t easy, the responsibilities are many, but mainly it is hard for me to be a leader. 

Carrying on my shoulders the whole organization of a team, making choices right for everyone, creating the best possible working conditions, and realizing that what is the best for me, often isn’t so for the people around me. 

But I must choose, and frequently I must do it fast.

We make choices quickly, because time has two measures: it goes fast when you make choices and it goes slow when you suffer for the wrong choices. 

So, here’s what I think: I have passed the halfway point of my life, why do I work so much, why do I feel like a hamster spinning on its wheel: run, run, run, and my goal is not so clear for me. Often there is a fog on my horizon. 

This is what I felt this morning: I’m confused on Saturdays, my days off, because I don’t know how to relax, I don’t know what to do with  my time without work. 

I’ve been feeling like this for long time: I no longer use my time outside of work.

Outside the my usual routine, where life runs, I haven’t time to think, I’m alone. 

It is beautiful to write a diary, your goals are clear, you can read them, black on white and if you flip through the pages, you can see if you have achieved them.

Now I know what is mine, the most important thing: I want to take back my life. 

 

p.s. I know that all diaries have a name. Today I decided yours: Dodo, like the extinct animal. You too, my diary, are at risk of extinction: I don’t know how long I will continue to write.